DAVID AND CHRIS - 'TEAMMATES'
When I was on GMAZ in early February I was surprised with the make over I was to receive when I reached my goal weight. I was shocked because I still felt like I was six hundred pounds. I felt like I was a fraud why would anybody want to be nice to me -I didn’t deserve it. Doesn’t anyone see what I see in the mirror? People were coming up to me telling me that I looked so great, but I saw myself every day and I thought I looked the same. Chris kept reassuring me, so when I got home from channel 3, I watched my segment and I was amazed at what a difference it was from my first appearance. For the first time I saw myself as others have viewed me, I was not a fraud - it was real!
TEN MONTHS LATER
My darkness, my personal demon, suffered a devastating blow that day. It had tried to convince me that I was failing - but I was not. It knows that its days are numbered, It also knows that it is going to fail - not me. The darkness tries to keep me down but I am too strong to even give it the time of day. The darkness lived off my fear and sorrow, and now that fear and sorrow is no more. I have recently started to regain a life that I never thought possible.
THE TRUE DAVID
I am no longer that scared little boy, but I am starting to become the confident man I knew that I could be. I have finally gotten my drivers license - seven months ago I couldn’t even fit in a cars front seat. I just recently received my GED and Chris helped get me my first job at the local Wal-Mart. I am not afraid of people anymore. I can walk with my head held high. I don’t care what people think of me. Some people know my story and some don’t - all that really matters is that I finally love myself. That is the one thing I never did was love myself. Once you love yourself, you can be anything you want to be. I can’t wait to experience the things that I have never experienced in my life. I want to experience a lot of things that are fun, adventurous, exciting, mysterious, and dangerous. I have only allowed myself to experience pain and suffering. The one thing that I am most excited about experiencing, is love. I have heard that the greatest feeling in life is to fall in love. I want to know how that feels. No matter how deep you dig yourself into a hole, you can always dig yourself out, I am proof of that. Nothing is impossible in this world - if you want it you just need to grab hold of it and never let go of your dreams...because some dreams if you work hard enough, really do come true.
DAVID E. SMITH 18 MONTHS AND 320 LBS LATER...
This is an update on my life so far…I have now lost 401 pounds in 26 months - naturally. I used to be an animal, a creature, a beast. I have been called a lot of things lately, but none of the above in along time – it has all been positive for the first time in my life. I have actually overheard that I am kind of cute a couple of times, go figure considering what I used to be. I now have new eyes and a new smile, thanks to the kind doctors who have helped me. My scarlet letter, my skin is now gone. It feels like my life is finally ready to begin.
DAVID E. SMITH TODAY...
There is so much I haven't experienced in my life. It feels like I am the oldest person in the world to be a virgin, or never been on a date, or never had a first kiss. There is always that ‘what if’ in my mind…what if she laughs at me, what if she thinks that I am a freak, what if, what if, what if. All I can do now to null the pain is to take a little bit of love that is ahead of us and use it now, even though it doesn't exist yet. I know she is out there somewhere. I didn't change my life to die alone, I changed it for her. I changed it for us. I changed it for our children, and our children's children.
I think about my past and about my decision to ask for help. I was so lost, I felt like I had no other alternative but suicide. I now look at all these paths ahead of me, and I remember that one unlikely path I choose – to ask for help before I took my life. It was the greatest thing I have ever done. Chris is like a brother to me. He never gave up on me. He has not only saved my life, he has taught me a lot about this new world I am living in. We go out on the weekends, see movies, get a bite to eat, or just hang out. Our friendship has blossomed out of something so barren, that it is incredible how it has happened. We are two unlikely best friends - its so funny how life works. He made me feel like a human even when the outside world thought not.
Not only has my life changed, but I’ve inspired others as well…and hopefully many more to follow. It has been amazing watching the events of a path in the road that I would have never chosen. Chris always says that I changed his life more than he changed mine. Either way, we are going to be best friends forever.
I appreciate every breath I take, every sight I see, everything because it could be a lot different. It could be nothing, nonexistent. It feels good to have something I never thought I would. It feels good to be human.